Meltdowns... seriously?

It is hard to explain to someone who has not experienced a child in full meltdown mode what it is like. Some may think this is just a tantrum and should be treated as such. These are no tantrums. A child in meltdown mode is a hurting child. He feels that something is not right but does not know how to fix it. Perfectionism goes hand-in-hand with autism, and when there is something "wrong", real or not, this is an incredibly upsetting thing for the perfectionist. It is a kneejerk reaction for us to assume that a child who is acting up in a store must be spoiled, or have bad parents, but this may be very far from true. It can be difficult for us neurotypicals to understand why someone can't just ignore a little mistake such as a drop of juice on your shirt, or a crayon mark very slightly outside the line, but for a child with autism, that little mistake is horrifying.

Before we learned coping mechanisms to deal with this, my boys would become extremely aggitated at the slightest little error and these episodes would often spiral down into a full on meltdown lasting a minimum of an hour. As they grew older we worked on teaching them that it was okay to make a mistake. In fact, "it's okay" became our calming phrase. As they were learning to deal with this, we were also learning. The most important thing we learned was to remain calm at all times. Our children (all children) look to us for our reactions and how we respond will directly affect how they deal with the situation. If we became upset when a glass of milk was tipped over at supper, a two hour ordeal could ensue; whereas if we simply said, "oh no, but that's okay" and cleaned it up calmly, then they could also deal with the problem simply and not be bothered by it. Often I am told that I have incredible patience, but honestly, this is not necessarily something I was born with, but something that has been taught to me by my children.