Step Two: Structure and Routine

Our lives were in complete and total chaos. What should have taken us ten minutes would take an hour, and what should have taken an hour would take all day long. Often, rather than trying to convince my boys to do something for me I would just do it myself. Every task, even a minor one, was a chore and nothing ever seemed to get done. I remember very well our bedtime “routine” in the early days. We would start getting the kids ready for bed, and several hours later would finally have them there. Most nights we would collapse from sheer exhaustion after finally getting them in the bed. I walked around with a tremendous burden of guilt because I knew that while I was spending so much time and effort getting my boys ready for bed, my precious daughter was getting herself ready and would often fall asleep before I could even kiss her goodnight. We knew that there had to be a better way, if we could only find it!

This is where we began on our path toward where we are today, with children who get themselves ready for bed at night and ready for school in the morning, almost completely on their own. We now have time for a story, bible study, prayer as a family, and just having fun. Our methods have worked for us, and I think they could work for others as well. The key to finding a good routine is to create one based on your own life.

Our first attempt was based on the picture exchange method of communication. We made a page with pictures of every single thing the kids needed to do before bed and then handed them this page when it was time to get started. At first we would walk them through the steps: “number one, put on pajamas”, “number two, brush your teeth”, etc. Gradually the boys were able to do these steps all on their own. It was a wonderful improvement! We still needed to stand watch for any mishaps, but were finally available to spend more time with our daughter as well as the boys.

As the months went by and the boys learned what we expected of them, we were able to change the routines, simplifying them in many ways, and also increasing their responsibilities. Today our boys need to only be told that it is time for bed. They know exactly what to do, and can do it all on their own.